For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
