i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
