Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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