My girlfriend figured out who you are.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
