Please, let me fuck your mom
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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