I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh god it's open bar.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
