I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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