dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
