shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
