Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I did not marry a roomba.
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