HIV tests are more positive than that guy
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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