didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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