i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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