I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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