I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
