Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
