THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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