I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
