Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
where am i from again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
