don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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