so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
