take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize