got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
