I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
