so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
