If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
