About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
