Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
