I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
