I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
