Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
