I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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