i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
