thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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