I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
