My room smells like vodka and shame
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
