If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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