btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
As shirtless as possible
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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