Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
