Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
