so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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