OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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