he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
