now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
