I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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