the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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