That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize