Already got asked if we're dating
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
