I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
