I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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