in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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