Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How naked do you want me to be?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
