Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
