you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
