I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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