umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize