VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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