so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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