just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
