That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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