dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
