She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
