it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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