At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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