I have demons in me.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
