Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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