why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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