I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
