went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
