Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
