I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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