Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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