So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
