i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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