mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
