high people should be assigned attendants
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drake has all the answers
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
