i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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