i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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