ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
That was an excessively violent trivia night
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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