Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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