At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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