When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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