Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
