Her vagina should come with caution tape.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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