so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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