try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
