I'm pants shitting drunk right now
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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