thus making me awesome and them whores
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
