Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
