and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
