I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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