i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
