My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
