She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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