I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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