a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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