I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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