we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
