There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
