i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
