last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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