Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
