We won't sleep together?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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