hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
