please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
