if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize