the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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