I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
